I always avoiding myself to talk about PhD. It is immerse that  each time people talk about PhD I just zip my mouth. Each time people around me passionately talk about their research I just stare at their expression and sometimes nodded my head. I avoided to talk about my current situation what I have gone through, the difficulties and hardship that I have to endure. Each time  they asked about my PhD,  I just muster a smile on my face.  If previously I was excited when people mention about PhD, now I have lost the praising words on it as if like I have lost my soul.  My old me  would be the one with the overload information on postgraduate studies. I would not mind spending hours in front of the laptop browsing potential universities and supervisor abroad. On the other hand, my new me just staring for hours in front of the laptop to construct meaningful words to deliver my ideas at the back of my pebble mind, in between of writing a blog like this! huhuhuhuh

What actually holding me back? What PhD has done to me all these years? Is there something that had robbed my life entirely? ...upon reading this how do you think my life as PhD student? Pathetic? Hard? Topsy-turvy? miserable? permanent head damage? 'perjalanan hadapi dugaan'? percutian hujung dunia? It depend on how you define it...as for me having a chance to do PhD is a rezk from Him and having the a PhD later on biiznillah is also a rezk. Although PhD occupies most of my time and mind, but when I am surrounded by so called intelligent people I automatically keep it low and put things to myself. I love to listen to them, their journey, their experiences and once a while I would ask for opinion. Usually, after that meeting ended, my mind keep repeating  their stories, advice in my head over and over again...hahhahaha...am absorbing things, comparing to what I have, my journey and keep moving on. These days, I abhor negative thoughts and keep enjoying the ride...I don't say mine is a smooth ride but I just pedaling myself to the destination.

*after long hiatus this entry is inevitable*