Ellie chronicles

I got lots of things to say in this blog but still i am not sure either it is appropriate to say out loud coz i believe certain things are better off to be unsaid...so as for today i have nothing to say.... Lately i have been doing a lot of thinking which even me myself dont know what....weird right?? Gitulah...I guess i am not myself...it is too difficult to heal from a wound..selalu i heard pp talk about you must get up from ur frustration...cakap senang tapi nak get up dr kesedihan tu mmg lah payah...teramat payah...

Many times I try to console myself with many things but futile....bukan ikut perasaan pun...but things keep on coming even I try to act strong, fine in front of pp but still no body knows (except Allah) that I cried!!! Pernah kan korang rasa menangis dalam hati walaupun orang lain bising...even in the crowd..ku hilang dalam ramai!!! Alamak blog nih dah jadik tempat luahan perasan lah plak!!!

so entry kali ni aku nak layan lagu sahaja...esp from keripatih...sapa lum tahu dan tak pernah dengar..dengarlah kat sini....all dr album Tak lekang oleh waktu....tmasuklah lagu Demi Cinta yg aku post earlier....




Seputih cintaku ini
Ingin kulukiskan didasar hatiku
Kesetiaan janjiku
Untuk pertahankan kasihku padamu

Bukalah mata hati
Kumasih cumbui bayang dirimu
Didalam mimpi
Yang mungkin takkan pernah
Membawamu digenggamku

Dirimu dihatiku tak lekang oleh waktu
Meski kau bukan milikku
Intan permata yang tak pudar
Tetap bersinar mengisi kesepian jiwaku

Kucoba memahami
Bimbangnya nurani kupastikan semua
Tak akan kuingkari
Terlalu banyak cinta yang mengisi
Datang dan pergi
Namun tak pernah bisa
Lenyapkanmu dibenakku








Takkan pernah habis air mataku
Bila ku ingat tentang dirimu
Mungkin hanya kau yang tahu
Mengapa sampai saat ini ku masih sendiri

Adakah disana kau rindu padaku
Meski kita kini ada di dunia berbeda
Bila masih mungkin waktu berputar
Kan kutunggu dirimu …

Chorus:

Biarlah ku simpan sampai nanti aku kan ada di sana
Tenanglah diriku dalam kedamaian
Ingatlah cintaku kau tak terlihat lagi
Namun cintamu abadi

Demi Cinta by Kerispatih

Maaf ku telah menyakitimu
Ku telah kecewakanmu
Bahkan ku sia-siakan hidupku
Dan ku bawa kau seperti diriku

Walau hati ini terus menangis
Menahan kesakitan ini
Tapi kulakukan semua demi cinta


Akhirnya juga harus ku relakan
Kehilangan cinta sejatiku
Segalanya tlah kuberikan
Juga semua kekuranganku

Jika memang ini yang terbaik
Untuk diriku dan dirinya
Kan ku terima semua demi cinta

Jujur aku tak kuasa
Saat terakhir ku genggam tanganmu
Namun yang pasti terjadi
Kita mungkin tak bersama lagi
Bila nanti esok hari
Kutemukan dirimu bahagia
Ijinkan aku titipkan kisah cinta kita selamanya

Aku post lagu ni d sini sbb mmg aku minat giler kat lagu nih...especially liriknya..

dalam relationship kadang2 kita terpaksa lepaskan orang yang kita sayang sbb kan kasihkan or sayang kita pada dia...dalam lagu tuh ternyata dia tak mampu membahagiakan pasangannya so lebih baik lepaskan sahaja supaya org kita sayang tuh dapat cari kebahagiaan dengan org lain (sedihkan!!) As long as orang yg kita sayang tuh happy.......

Layan jer lah lagu nih...adakah ianya ada kena mengena dengan aku?? hehehe....aku senirik pun tak boleh jawap...huhuhu....

Video clip tuh bukan Keris Patih pun (suara jer) plakon indon mana tah tuh... tapi layan lah lagu tuh....

Dah lamanya aku ingin mendedikasikan tribute pada seseorang dalam blog aku nih...ari nih baru tercapai....to my cousin Hafiz, thank you bro....kalau demo tak ajar kawe cara nak blogging nih sure kawe tak reti dooh...hahahhaha....manay things i have learned from you and surely pasal blogging page ker apa ker I need to learn from you more deh...

I started my blog July last year, tp dis month baru ada gut nak bagitahu and announce this page pada sedara and kengkawan....

To you Apih...blog u ada perubahan...ada keles tuh...hahahhahaha....

Dead and Gone

Actually my head is still spinning…may be due to my lack of sleep. Something robs my sleep habit, my brain never shut down of wrestling and spinning with so many things. Only Allah knows the pain I experienced in my chest, my heart beating too hard, my hand sweating, my mouth drying….I exhale and inhale the air. Try to find solace in whatever detail I have in my head but none….the more I tried to close my eyes, the more it comes to me, like a slide show with transition of slides, with sounds of the conversation in the past. Too many words, sound, memories spinning too fast so I failed to sleep again.


I suddenly realized now I all alone by my side. I felt so chilling, in this not so peculiar place. I was here before, with the warmth…but where it is now??? Faded…. I was here before with laughter and joy….but now it just me, dusty and it become so quiet…..never of this place seems so vacant, dead, quiet but now it is different. I remember I was there with strong emotion, feelings…but no…now there is nothing left…just me.

Me is dead and gone………

Nothing to say....

After grueling journey, yeah considering that I have to seat beside a giant Arabic man in the flight and bored movies selection, I finally here…in London!!! Upon arrival, it was 9.15 pm local time, I have a mixed felling, one minute I was scared, the other I felt my heart beating it out loud, the other I just wanted to pinch myself many times…it is Heathrow and this is London my favorite city. But first I need to pass this hurdle, I am more than ready, once I am in front of him I talked flawlessly, I can say with British ascent, the sound of my voice trembling in couple of times though to convince him of what the journey is to me, I am not a beggar, I am not going to stay here more than 6 months (but deep in my heart I hope the fact will change…I could stay under the dependent section in the visa…dreaming again huh..) and after 15 minute of interrogated the man with UK Borders on the sleeve let me in and stamped my passport….wallah!!! I am in UK..officially!!! I dashed to the arrival door wanting to see a face which I miss for long…hehehehe...I just could not believe it, the history is about to write itself, gracious to Him, Allah for make it true, for His blessing and new chapter of my life begins here...........


In England, the transportation system is superb, so if you use public transportation especially bus, please be extra careful to know which station you are heading to, either to the depart area and arrival area….and please make sure you take the bus at the right place and route, not all buses stop at the same place like Malaysia. So from Victoria station we took bus no 20 to Liverpool Street. Even how much I hate to utter the streets name, still I need to say that here I have done a hell of shopping!!! A part of Camden Street ( which I don’t have the idea where) Liverpool Street is quite popular among the local especially for black people and Asian. The street is similar to Petaling Streets in Malaysia, you can bargain your item and the price of selected jumper, shirts, pants start from 1 pound. I enjoyed my Sunday morning strolled and bargained for London shirt which I spend around 40 pound…ermmm… I just wanted to shop and shop and little did I realize how bad to put all these shirts in the luggage later hihihihi…


On the way back to Victoria Station, we accidentally took a wrong bus and wrong route so we ended up at London Bridge…hehehe…we are strangers who lost ourselves in a strange country…though we have to run here and there elsewhere to get to the right bus but we enjoyed the moment with heavy begs on our back. London scenery is awesome; the weather is kind to us (unlike Paris), the walking killing my legs, not my patient though hahahha, and I was catching up the breath for about 30 minutes to finally see ourselves on the right bus!!!



In England, during winter the time is rather short, so 4 pm in the evening it is already dark, so we have to be hurry not to miss prayer time especially zohor and asar prayer. Allah is really the Greatest, so He allows the followers to jamak and qasar the prayers. If you live abroad, you can be too distant from Allah or closer to Him, why?? Because it is hard to perform prayers if you are not determine,…imagine this, there is no proper place so called surau let alone small room in the stations, unlike Malaysia where mosques and surau are plenty with hardly enough number to have jemaah prayers. In England, not only you have to pray in any places available, you must as well bring a bottle of mineral water not to satisfy your thirst but to enable you for your wash and ablution The fact that the toilet there only have tissues so you cannot imagine your life without water…hehehe..either to throw the water or to have a water…hehehe…so like I said some Muslims may not keen to perform the no 1 obligation due to the hardship…..for those Muslims in Malaysia, if you fail to pray you should put yourself in the hall of shame!!

The journey from London to Bristol is for about 2 hours with National Express Bus, the bus…what can I say about the bus…ermm..let me highlight the differences lie, all passengers must queue up, that is normal but bizarre when you have to queue before putting your luggage onto the bus, the driver will check your ticket and separate your luggage into the correct place…Caution!! You cannot pass your queue!!! It is too weird to do so…. do you want to be called uncivilized people?? I bet I don’t want to carry that label…Then, it is compulsory to buckle up, you will be penalized if fail to do so..ermmm…then the seat..how about it?? Along the way I have a backache, not because of its comfy seat but I cannot adjust it down unlike Malaysia bus..and to make the matter bad…not worse though the heater is near to your ankle….do not put your leg there, you must burn yourself hahahha….it is not air conditioner mind you..it is a heater!!..The bus was too hot, I sweat along the way, with 2 pieces on me, that remind me of mini bus in Malaysia…ermm..am I starting to nag about the journey? No absolutely not!!! Not in a tiny microscopic thought and feeling!!! Hehehehe….

We reached 9 pm at Mall Borough Station, Bristol….it was too dark, and we took a taxi to my first proper place to sleep in UK. Upon arrival yesterday, I spent a night in Heathrow so now in Bristol I finally reached at Meridian Place, Clifton, a place I am longing to come. Tomorrow, I will fly to Edinburgh, Scotland….so after dinner, packed my things for 5 days away from home (my home ???), packed some food and then hiding, laying myself under the tempting duvet…..zzzzzzz…..

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Ermm....do know how to start..it has been ages (yer ker) tak update blog...dah sebulan balik dari UK tapi still tak dapat nak citer pasal this meaningful trip...

Part I nih aku akan story-morry pasal my journey from KB to KLIA...depart 6.40 am reached KLIA 7.40, then I checked in around 8.20...Masa my family sent me at the airport mmg terasa sedih and bimbang...anything can happen to me and especially to my parents..so pray and keep on praying Allah pmudahkan journey nih and semuanya selamat and sihat. My parents and my brother's effort to send me really brought tears...nih blum lagik betul2 stay abroad...kalau 3 years buat PhD later (kalau ader rezekilah) tak tahulah..I might call them everyday..ermmmm

Then...10.40 am using Gulf Air (tapi Jet Airways sebenarnya...) departed to Manama, Bahrain..The journey for about 7 hours...I was quite starving without food since 5 am in the morning so apa lagik...makan lah nasi masakan arab..sambil makan sempat layan 2 movies..X-Files ( boring giler citer ni) and Dark Knight..memang superb film last Heath Ledger jadi villain..he certainly deserves an oscar for his performance as Penguin..lagi pun dia dah mati ok gak lah kasi dia menang!! hehehehe

Waktu Bahrain 5 jam lewat dari Malaysia so aku reached Bahrain International Airport around 1.20..maknanya zohor..Masa bodily check d transfer/transit desk minah Imigresen Arab cakap aku bawak gunting dalam napset aku..aku gelabah gak dan baca ayat2 yg patut..berkali2 aku cakap tak der dia tetap buat tak tahu...aku cakap tak der in simple Arab pun dia buat tak kisah...lepas selongkar dan tak jupe baru dia lepaskan aku...hampeh btul...

Di Bahrain aku hanya boarding pass tapi tak tahu nak g gate mana so carik2 screen and tanya staff so my flight from Bahrain to London at 3.30 pm, dapat lah aku beli t-shirt Bahrain (3 pound) and search place to pray. Kat Bahrain memang panas, bahang tuh macam terasa pandangan dari dalam airport jer la sbb nak kluar kena ada visa.....

ermm nnati citer lagik to be continued......layan gambar!!!